Another momentous occasion is the wedding. Secular elements enter into this ceremony and its preparations perhaps more than any other, but even it is heavily marked with ceremony and ritual. In courtship, the man traditionally takes the initiative. Thus, it is the young man who decides on a woman he wants to marry. When he has made the decision, he tells his parents and they come over with him to the prospective bride's house. If all goes well and the marriage is determined acceptable, then the two sets of parents discuss the arrangements while the man and woman pass the time in another room, chaperoned usually by the woman's best friend. The bride is then taken aside by an aunt or older female relative from both the man's family and her own, and is asked whether she wants to marry the man. If she says yes, then the announcement is made to the "man" (the nastayatyel) that the couple intends to be married. The nastayatyel then arrives at the bride's home, and there presides while the couple kneels before the icon and a lit candle, praying together. The nastayatyel then asks each of them in turn whether they wish to be married of their own free will. If either answers no at this point, then the marriage does not proceed. If they answer yes, then they exchange gifts before the nastayatyel and both sets of parents. The man traditionally gives either money or, in earlier years, animals and grain. The woman presents the man with her favorite belt. They are then officially engaged and a dinner is brought from the man's parents home to the house of the bride, where the two families eat together. On the same day after the engagement, preparations are begun for the wedding ceremony and feast. Because these feasts are meant to be elaborate and rich, they cannot be held on any of the fast days or during the Lenten periods. This tends to make the wedding a seasonal phenomenon, with the greatest number tending to occur just before the seven-week Easter Lent. The groom's family prepares a variety of foods and makes sure that they have plenty of "braga" (a home-made Old Believer wine-like drink, usually made from berries). In the meantime, the bride invites her friends to a small party to make the "krosota" (wedding cap) which consists of small bows of colorful material, and a large bow in the back with ribbons which trail to midway between the knee and ankle. One of the friends is chosen to be a "podruga" (somewhat akin to the bridesmaid), and this person then assists the bride in various wedding preparations. These may include the sewing and embroidering of various garments and the trousseau, if that has not been taken care of in earlier years by the bride herself. At this point, the "divichnik" begins. This is a period of anywhere from two days to three weeks, during which there are parties each evening for the bride at her home. Various friends of the bride and groom who are themselves still single come to the house and sit around a long table and eat, drink, and the women sing songs for which the men pay them with money and/or kisses (mostly the latter). They may carry on this way for long hours, as late as 2:00 in the morning. When the groom arrives at this sort of gathering, the bride has to kiss him on the lips, which apparently has caused some embarrassment among the women since it may be the first time they have ever kissed the men they are to marry. On the last Friday before the wedding, the end of this party is marked with a dinner for all present. At the end of each divichnik party, a song is sung about how the guests will each go home and sleep in other houses now. In the meantime, the groom's family has been making the bridal outfit, while the bride (or in some cases, the bride's mother) prepares a special shirt to be worn at the wedding by the groom. On the Saturday before the wedding, at noon, the bride's close woman friends meet at her house to decorate the bridal vehicle (in the old days, a horse or wagon, now a car). The bride stays home to make her last-minute preparations while her friends join a gathering of the groom's friends at the groom's house, where they consume vast quantities of braga and joke with one another. At one point in this gathering, the groom may (although this practice is apparently frowned upon by the elders) get up on a bench and pay or give gifts to any of the women who will climb up ther with him, have a drink and kiss him one last time. These gifts consist of things such as soap, towels, combs and a leafy bunch of twigs which is called a "venik." These items are intended for use in an afternoon bath in the traditional family sauna, where the bride and her entourage wash each other and ask the bride many teasing questions about her future life with the groom. If she answers these questions correctly, she gets cold water on her back, but if she answers them "wrongly" then she gets hot water and pretend-whippings from the wielder of the venik. This tradition is not often carried through, according to participants, because by that time the bride's friends are often too drunk to even wash themselves. Nonetheless, it is a variation on the more standard practice of washing on the afternoon or evening before a church service. These women then stay overnight at the bride's house, which is symbolically meant to be a protective gesture for the bride so that she will be certain of remaining "pure" right up to the day of the wedding. Sunday is the day of the wedding, and the bride's relatives and friends come for her around 3:00 that morning. With what powers of stamina they are able to do this after a solid week of carousing and wedding preparations is not known. The bride is presented with her garments and is dressed by the podruga (or bridesmaid), and then covered with a shawl. The groom and his friends and relatives arrive around 4:00 or 5:00 in the morning. The groom has with him a "tysyachik," or spokesman, and a "svashka," or lady; both of these individuals are usually close relatives of the groom. They are usually older and themselves married. The tysyachik asks the podruga what they are all doing there so early in the morning, and she is supposed to reply that she is there to sell the bride. These two then proceed to bargain for the bride. In the old days, gifts of animals, grain or household goods were used, whereas today the currency is most often cash. A few recently married individuals who were open revealed their "prices" around $100-$160. A close male relative of the bride, usually her brother, then sells her braid, often threatening to cut it off with a pair of shears if a proper price is not paid for it (the price these days being $15-$40). Then the bride's friends begin saying that they are hungry or thirsty, or that they are ill; and for these various "problems" they are given "cures" of pastries, braga, nuts and other edible treats. They divide the money from the bridal sale and these foods among themselves. Occasionally a boy will be clandestinely substituted under the shawl in place of the bride so that the groom's family finds that they have purchased the boy and not the bride, so in some cases the tysyachik will take a precautionary peek under the shawl to see it he is getting what he bargains for. During this part of the ceremony there is considerable bargaining, joking about the quality of the "purchase," and a lot of braga. After the sale, the bride comes out from beneath the shawl and forms a chain with the tysyachik, the groom, the bride, and then a svashka for the bride and a svashka for the groom, linked together in that order with handkerchiefs held in their hands. They must remain in this chain for the rest of that day, with the tysyachik always leading. They are then blessed at a table which contains bread and salt, and they then go to the church of the groom, where by this time regular services have been under way for some hours. They usually arrive there between 5:00 and 6:00 in the morning. After the regular service has ended, everyone leaves except for the bride, groom, the members of their "chain," the parents of the bride and groom, the nastayatyel and three or four other male witnesses. None of the younger, unmarried people are supposed to see the wedding ceremony itself, and the first one an Old Believer sees is usually his own. The bride and groom are asked once again three times if they are marrying of their free will, and if they answer yes, then the ceremony begins in earnest. It should be noted here that although there seem to be plenty of precautions against unwanted marriages, some women are forced into them through parental pressure. After an initial prayer said in unison, the bride and groom exchange rings three times, naming each other husband and wife. They are then blessed by their parents, who present them with the icons which have been chosen from among the supplies of both families, to be given to the newlyweds for their own household. When the blessings are being administered, the couple kneels before the parents of the two families. After this, the bride is taken to the back of the church where a dresser has been set aside with her marriage-cap (sheshmura) and scarves are waiting. She removes here "krossota," or crown, which she has been wearing all through the ceremony, and the bridesmaids then plait her hair into two braids, tie them up over her head, and place the sheshmura over it and two scarves over that. The bride is now given the appearance of a married woman, since unmarried women and girls wear their hair in a single braid down the back. She is never to show her hair to any other man than her husband, according to traditional decree. She then proceeds to the groom, and bows before him to the floor, and kisses him. This is to indicate symbolically that she is now his and that she will be submissive toward him for the rest of her days. The "chain" then forms again, while the nastayatyel reads the portions of the sacred texts which describe the duties of wife and husband toward each other and toward their future children. The bride then says a prayer and asks her parents their forgiveness for leaving them to become a member, in essence, of the groom's family. After a closing group prayer, the ceremony is finished and the people go to the groom's house for breakfast. After the breakfast, a party of men and boys who are members of the bride's family arrive at the groom's house with all the bride's belongings and anything the bridal family may have thrown in for their new household. Each man has a single item in his custody, and it is his duty to sell that item to the groom's family or to the groom itself. The tysyachik does the talking for the groom most of the time and bargains on his side. Prominent among these belongings are the bridal hope chest, a bundle of bedding and a chest containing the decorations and icon hangings which the bride has presumably been embroidering ever since she was a young girl. These are all sold amidst much joking and drinking. But the gifts and the money are real enough, and in this way often hundreds of dollars (in present-day weddings, at least) exchange hands between the two families. The bride and groom then move in usually with the groom's family for the first few months, depending on the agreement with the families involved. Lunch and dinner on the day of the wedding are also loud and long, with much food and drink being consumed by the guests. After dinner, the couple usually retire to rest, since they are likely to be both exhausted, but the guests often go on celebrating into the night. Almost all the guests are expected to give something to the couple. The post-wedding ceremony celebrations may continue for as long as three or four days after the ceremony itself, this part being called the "svadba."
.
============================
.

Prior to marriage, elders (startsy) check and calculate the blood relationships of youngsters. There are numerous rules written in the old books that prohibit marriage. These regulations are predominately related to kinship relationships, requiring four generations gap (po vos' momu kolenu) between bride and groom, and reduce the eligible pool even beyond the common pan-cultural restrictions which say that a spouse must be approximately the same age (or the man older), the same tolk (religious affiliation), and that both partners had never been married before. Marriage is forbidden if the elder discovers discrepancies or flaws in blood relationships between two prospects. p. 21, Old Russia in Modern America, by A. B. Dolitsky.

.